The best friend is a good wingman
by tamarindblue
Summary: Sometimes, a person is so blind to love that he needs a smack on the head to see it … Or so Nami thinks. Story of best frenemies, wingmen and all the chaos that follows. (AU, multiple pairings) 2. Mihawk, Perona, Shanks
1. Bartolomeo,The direct Wingman

**The best friend is a good wingman**

**Chapter one: Bartolomeo,The direct Wingman**

Sometimes, a person is so blind to love that he needs a smack on the head to see it …

Or so Nami thinks.

This world, it is crazy, it is so full of idiots .. idiots who are oblivious .. idiots who are charming and kind and heartwarming and faithful

Idiots who only ever love food, meat to be precise.

She was openly staring at him

"Nami, over here" he said through a mouthful

She sighed. How she wanted someone to smack him on the head for her.

'_Nothing is ever going to change'_ she thought

Robin spared her an apologetic glance.

'_Like she is any better'_ Nami chuckled at the irony.

* * *

It has been a year since Nami started working in "The One piece" , and well, it has been blissful so far, way better than Arlong's.

Luffy was the exact opposite of the Archetypal division boss and she found him to be the worst boss ever … or maybe the best, with Luffy it was hard to make the distinction.

The division was faring well, almost soaring and Luffy was gaining momentum fast. He wanted to be made partner and worked his best "yet not hard .. never too hard" for it.

* * *

The corridors were bustling with employees heading to their lunch break .. However two heads butting loomed above the crowds.. Bartolomeo and Cavendish were quite a pair who never stopped fighting, well Nami knew another pair … a far worse pair

But that was another story.

Cavendish was tall, a man with an aristocratic build and admittedly a gentleman to no extend but he also had an indescribable penchant for flair and vanity.. One that annoyed his co-workers, Law and Zoro to no end, but they knew well to shut up about it. After all, they only ever had to tolerate him for a couple of hours and honestly he was good at doing his job.

Bartolomeo didn't.

Kind but brutish, Bartolomeo was a sturdy man who didn't take well to nonsense, austere in a sense that stood darkly in contrast to Cavendish's extravagance

And for some cosmic joke, they were flat mates.

And so he managed to make sure he would pop up Cavendish's bubble down whenever it grew too big for people's liking thus causing endless and endless bouts of fighting and madness and migraines to Nami and the rest of the company.

"What the hell have you done, idiot?" Cavendish was screaming

"Well, I saved her the crap, Sissy … and told her about your infatuation with her and how she reminds you of _'Great queens and warrior Princesses of the past'_" Bartolomeo mock exaggerated

"Oh God, Why did you even meddle in this, nosy fool?"

"Because you have been mopping around and whining for months now, every single day, every single hour , I am sick of it and of your nasty screeching voice emerging out of nowhere praising yourself and how you look and how befitting for you she would be. Your levels of Narcissism have become toxic in the last few days"

"Move out of the flat already, insensitive freak"

"Gladly, If only I could find somewhere half as cheap! Let me remind you almost begged me to become your roomie after the tenant threatened to throw you out, what was it the problem? Oh, you almost thrashed the entire flat during one of your maniac episodes …"

Cavendish looked momentarily hurt, almost … or as much as a self-centered prick would allow himself to be.

Bartolomeo realized he has almost gone too far, but he started it!

"I was only ever trying to help you, no harm done, after all Rebecca didn't say anything back"

'_So, that's it, then'_ Nami knew Rebecca from the Dressrosa division, a decent person she must say.

But if Bartolomeo was trying to make Cavendish feel better, then he was failing miserably.

Robin was now trying to break up the fight, but nevertheless they didn't stop.

They only ever stopped when Rebecca appeared during the commotion, Cavendish looked stunned, he indignantly broke off from Bartolomeo and stood to his full height.

And as the mob dissembled, Rebecca stepped ahead towards them. She was smiling .. probably at their shenanigans.

"Cavendish-san, I knew it is belated but I really wanted to thank you for helping me during the presentation the other day. You saved me the embarrassment! "

"Never mind dear, they were pompous fools anyway."

"And, I also spoke with Bartolomeo-san" she smiled coyly "Would you like to join me for lunch? We can talk it over If you like"

He looked dazed, they thought he would faint

"Cavendish-san?"

"I … Of course, I would"

"Would you like to come along Bartolomeo-san? I have prepared a bento for you as well."

Bartolomeo 's eyes shined bright at her preposition

'M_ust be the free meal'_ Nami thought.

However, Cavendish moved behind Rebecca, so as to face him. His eyes turned a fiendish hue as he gestured with his hands back & forth towards his neck, mouthing something like this 'Hakuba' they have been talking about, Maybe?

Nami and the rest couldn't figure out, but he sure as hell looked scary.

"Thank you but I will have to bail out, Rebecca-chan. Another time perhaps"

"So"

"He will be after you in a minute" Bartolomeo proceeded

As long as she was far from view, Bartolomeo pounced back on him, locking onto his neck

"Don't ever think this Hakuba of yours would scare me. Believe me, I have seen him at his worst."

Cavendish was mumbling something indiscernible, the poor fellow was turning to a tomato now

"And you owe me. Heck you owe me a lot of things, a meal at the baratie for one"

He now released him. Cavendish gushed as air rushed into his lungs.

He almost tripped as he ran down to the lunch hall.

Bartolomeo muttered something akin to 'third wheel' as he walked back to his office

"Bartolomeo" Luffy shouted

"Luffy-san"

Bartolomeo waved at him, it was no secret how much he admired Luffy.

"Trouble, so far?"

"Nah! did as you told me and it turned out great! I annoyed the git to no end while also doing him a big favour he will be indebted forever. Such a brilliant person you are Luffy-san, so brilliant."

Luffy smiled sheepishly at him, he could never handle flattery well.

Not than Nami knew why would anybody flatter him anyway.

'_But you almost want to, don't you' an inner voice mocked her_ ..

"Did anyone warn her of Hakuba?" Luffy suddenly asked, mood shifting a tad darker

"I told her he has dissociative personality disorder, she took it well"

"Man, this Hakuba personality of his is scary. It took You, Me, Law and Zoro to keep him in check"

_'So, this is why they tolerate him?! It became clear now, they were afraid he'd snap. But wait a second, Luffy knew all that and let on nothing … How crafty he can be'_

"So, Join me and the group for lunch. We will eat upstairs in the office"

"Gladly, Luffy-san"

"Nami" he shouted jovially "Come upstairs too, Zoro has already ringed Robin. It is Sanji's cooking after all"

"Right behind you" She smiled _'Right behind you, idiot'_

It bothered her how he could be so perceptive yet as equally clueless at the same time.

* * *

**So what is this? This is basically an AU, where the crew work at a corporate "The one piece".**

**It features some of our favourite pairings, crack pairings and a best friend who is always the catalyst for his/her other friend's misfortunes.**

**There is an epic background story line that will tie the rest of the OS together.**

**Enjoy!**


	2. Shanks, The Mischievous wingman

_**Shanks: The Mischievous wingman**_

It was quiet, too quiet.

Quiet is good, Quiet is great .. brilliant.

He is a quiet person, he is used to it and he values the quiet, he is schizoid in all the sense the word makes.

So why does he find it irritating? and why does he feel so freaking listless?

_'Oh god'_

Maybe it has to do with the PA that Shanks hired one year ago. The nuisance that stole his peace and quiet .. and maybe a tad bit more.

Mihawk was used to working alone, the only board member who had no crew or secretary or what so ever ... until bloody red haired Shanks decided to change that over a lost drinking bet.

And voila, he gave him his first and probably last apprentice, Zoro. Zoro was fine, ardent and serious, a man of few words .. his type but Perona ... Shanks' personal pick, the neurotic good for nothing PA, annoyed the hell out of him with her constant nagging and complaints

_'God, this office is a mess'_

_'God, this place smells like a brewery'_

_'Clean up or else ..'_ and admittedly she had that condescending look that would shrink anybody's self esteem and reduce them to nothing.

And while he appeared impassive ,he'd literally internally cringe when she scowled down at him like that.

Not to mention, the cockroach scare

She spotted the poor thing and Mihawk could swear she went into full panic mood .. the poor cockroach seemed to stay still, probably shocked as she kept screaming and screaming and screaming then leapt right into his arm.

And his stars were aligned that day, Shanks walked right on them and instead of doing anything, he simply Catcalled then left him all to himself trying to calm the wreck down.

It didn't work and they had to work in the lobby for an entire month afterwards.

Damn, he should be going over the details of his business not the epic cockroach scare.

By the way, she was bad at making business. Bad but not hopeless, and while she appeared like a pampered good for nothing goth wannabe, she had really poured her heart into the work.

And he screwed it up.

She kind of grew under his skin .. Honest, Perona was honest and courageous with nothing to hide and he particularly liked that despite how many times it caused them to clash together and she was easy on the eyes , somehow the combination of hot pink and black suited her, it even went well against his own palette of black, gold and purple.

* * *

"Cranky, isn't he?" Luffy observed from the glass panel of Mihawk's office

"Perona is screwing his wits off" Zoro casually said as he sank into the nearest chair

"I still can't figure how she lasted this long with him .. I met the girl and god almighty, she is a thing of her own" Usopp didn't have the best repertoire with Perona .. too dandy for his taste , too gloomy for hers and never had they met till it turned into a full fledged sparr ...

To his credit, he was one of the eclectic few who could faze off Perona.

"Perona likes him a great deal" Zoro clarified "and he has a soft spot for her as well. He admires her persistence and honesty ... despite the fact that in my personal opinion, her neurotic trait offsets all her other positive traits"

"She has no positive traits" Usopp shouted

"In short, they like each other" Luffy concluded

"On professional level"

"Nobody could like her, neither on professional level .. or any other level" Usopp fervently objected "Even Nami agrees with me"

Zoro on his part rolled his eyes, Usopp wasn't entirely at fault, Perona wasn't the easiest person to get along with , her eccentricity was hard to see beyond. But Mihawk, he had his oddities as well ...

"Mihawk had much more adept PAs before Perona and none of them lasted that long" Luffy made a point

"_**Touché**_"

"So he is going to stay that pissed off until?"

"Until..." Zoro shrugged

"Guys" Usopp whispered "I think he is staring at us from beyond the panel, he knows we are talking about him"

"And?" Luffy didn't seem to mind, he even raised a waving hand to him, but Usopp, he was trembling in fear, Mihawk could have them fired this instant and no one would dare oppose it. Zoro on the other hand seemed to understand him quite a bit.

"Luffy, it is better we leave now" Zoro instructed as his eyes met Mihawk's for a second "He doesn't want us here"

* * *

It all started with a goddamn comment about how careless she was then her usual_ 'Don't boss me around'_ thing but somehow, at a certain point of time , something snapped, it escalated fast, his frustration and her pent up anger and ..

His phone was ringing, for the umpteenth time this day, Shanks, the architect of his torture, didn't stop calling however much he cancelled, directed him to voicemail or put the phone on silent and ignored him altogether.

Shanks wouldn't leave him alone ... He even texted him 'Don't you dare turn off your phone or else' and Shanks' else meant dragging him off to party at every bar in town, he wasn't in the mood, he never is.

And yes, Shanks has the sixth sense to find him where ever he hides.

He had no choice but to answer

"Mihawk, Buddy"

"Don't buddy me"

"Grumpier than usual, I see"

"How is Makino? Where is she?"

"Makino is fine, she is sending you her regards"

"Can you tell her to keep you off me, please?"

"She can't, you know she got her hands full with the baby and all, you are mine, now."

Mihawk loved Makino, seriously.. probably the quietest period of his entire adult life was when she was dating Shanks. Makino was his sane part, the one who kept him in check all the time and that alone made him root for her and practically do everything possible (by that he meant carrying the workload of the lazy bum for months) to make it work but Shanks effectively found a sneaky way to make her busy almost all the time. Last time, he saw her the poor woman was dozing off while hyperactive Shanks kept bouncing around the house proclaiming how happy he was that his son was born.

And he felt slightly guilty for that.

But she wasn't entirely miserable either. Exhausted yes, miserable no.

Shanks despite all his flaws was still a good man, he had more depth that he let people on, Mihawk knew that.

"C'mon Dracule, I know something is terribly wrong. The week prior, Perona called me and said she left the company amidst a nervous breakdown. You, on the other hand, are more brooding than usual and now Luffy calls me saying Zoro thinks you are in the worst shape ever. Tell me about it"

"So Perona has spoken to you?!"

"Naturally, I was the one who hired her after all"

"What did she tell you exactly?"

"Lots of things that I couldn't make out really, expletives mostly and that you fired her among other things. But I know there is more to the story. I am waiting for you to tell me"

"I didn't fire her, she quit"

So she didn't tell him. Mihawk didn't know what to expect after all that transpired .. It was hard to anticipate really and now he doesn't know what should he tell Shanks. It was hard.

"Mihawk, still there?"

"I .. Shanks .. Whatever being said here, it stays between us, until I figure out what to do"

"Don't be a drama queen Mihawk, it isn't like you slept with Perona for what matters"

Mihawk was dead silent on the other end; Ironically Shanks in his attempt to be sarcastic finally figured out what was happening

"Or did you?" He disbelievingly iterated. It took Shanks a few moments to process .. and now he was laughing hard .. real hard he couldn't utter a complete word altogether "You ... slept with... Ohmygod, I can't ..."

"Shanks" Mihawk tried to be calm amid the booming laughter on the other end but Shanks wasn't stopping any time soon.

"SHANKS" he now shouted hoping to put a stop to this fiasco

"Sor .. Sorry" Shanks tried to gain a bit of composure, but it was all too funny to do so

"So, let me paraphrase .. You, Dracule Mihawk slept with Perona. Haughty, Neurotic, Rambunctious Perona who is sixteen years your junior. "

"Yes"

Shanks burst out in Laughter again, and the concept wasn't foreign to Mihawk .. he was revelling in his misery.

"Sorry, again. And how was it?"

"WHAT?"

"I meant how did it happen?"

"She was tipsy and so was I and it happened .. we were fighting then it happened"

"Oh God! You took advantage of h.."

"I didn't"

"I mean I don't want a workplace harassment lawsuit in my office.. speaking of which, you didn't do it in the office, right? I'd be scarred for life if you did"

"No, we were finishing some business at my place"

"I take it this was the only time you had taken business home together"

Shanks was insinuating something and Mihawk realised his life is going to turn into a series of non stop innuendos now that Shanks knows.

"Forget it OK"

"Mihawk, you really don't realise what you have gotten yourself into, do you? this isn't something you could 'forget about' as simple as that, for all I know you could be baby daddy in the making right now"

He was petrified _'could it be?'_

"Mihawk? Mihawk? Do you hear me?"

Shanks could guess his friend is going catatonic

"Mihawk, I was just kidding, buddy Now speak to me, Mihawk"

"yes"

"There you are .. listen to me, you screwed up alright, terribly. But things are still under control. I just want to know how much are you invested in this?"

"I don't get it"

"Do you like Perona?"

"She is insane, she is way too young and loud .."

"Mihawk, don't beat around the bush" Shanks was uncharacteristically serious "Do you like Perona? Do you want to see her again?"

"I do"

"Woof, you are so hard to breakeven with. Listen buddy, do you want her back in the office? Do you want to officially start a relationship with her? because if it is only an apology and some chocolate, I could arrange it for you."

"Stay out of it"

"I am your best friend for heaven's sake .. your only friend to be precise besides you are a dummy when it comes to those kind of things"

"Look, I am ready to apologise OK. I mean, she deserves an apology but I bet she doesn't want to see my face ..She probably hates me"

"For a starter she wants you to apologise, and by that she means apologise your heart and butt out numerously until she accepts then she would take you shopping until you cry and beg for mercy …"

"How do you know that? you are probably guessing"

"No, she is showing me her Mihawk's to do list right now .. I didn't tell you, you were on speakers before and she has been listening, after all she is staying with me and Makino for the time"

He was stoned. Goddamn Shanks has been playing him this entire time and he took the bait and ...

"She can hear me then?" his voice assumed his most authorative tone "Tell her we still have unfinished business to do, She can meet me in an hour to settle this, then she can quit or do whatever she likes"

He could hear her voice over the phone now _'don't tell me what to do'_

"In the office?"

"She knows where"


End file.
